The Dingbat Platform

The Top Ten Planks in the Dingbat Platform

10. People with too much of a suntan are not real Americans.

9. All cultural elites will be rounded up and sent to church camp without parole.

8. Greed is good, also, too, very, very good.

7. No Republican will ever be required to produce a birth certificate.

6. Hunting season will be open every day except Christmas, but you can bring your gun to church on that day if it makes you feel a little safer from godless terrorists.

5. All forms of birth control will be illegal for everyone except white, God-fearing Republicans.

4. Fox News will be the only channel allowed to be displayed in businesses and public places.

3. All government entitlement programs that benefit poor people will be repealed.

2. The IRS will have no jurisdiction over anyone who works on Wall Street.

1. Tort reform will be dramatically enacted as soon as we can figure out what that means.